This was an experience in a word of “confinanza.” Confinaza translates to trust, but I feel that trust doesn’t truly express the meaning. Confinaza is a deep spirit of trust, which is rooted in solidarity, a sharing of souls. As Oti and I continued to share our stories with one another, we found our souls meeting in great moments of suffering but also of great joy. This was the dynamic of our time together sharing of gifts, dreams, sufferings, and happiness. At times in silence respira profundamente in meditation or washing the dishes, we were fully present to one another. I found myself constantly reflecting on, “Estoy aqui,” (I am here).
One very critical part of this week was the presence and spirit of Monsenor Romero. Oti, Lolo, and their families have a strong connection of Monsenor Romero. For them Romero is a companero en su camino con Dios, esta aqui.
Since my first year at Regis, Monsenor Romero for me has continued to be a companero in my studies. I remember when I went to my first Hospitality Night at Romero House and learned about the life of Romero and the suffering of the Salvadoran people, my heart felt deeply called to come to El Salvador. Three weeks into my first semester at Regis, I had no idea what this feeling meant. However, this calling in my heart continued to remain very present. I remember in the Fall of my sophomore year in Dr. Plumley’s Foundations of Peace & Justice class during our unit of Latin America, I found myself questioning, “Why am I not there with the people? Why don’t I just go already?” But all of these experiences of learning were necessary as a means of formation, which allows me now to be fully present here. Contemplating the complex structures of oppression that I have studied in theory and walking with the Salvadoran people in their daily reality, creating the connections allows me to have a new perspective in every dimension of myself. And in this moment there are so many things which I do not understand or don’t have words for in English or Spanish, but I see them and know what they are. Estoy aqui.
This past Thursday we went to the Hospitalio de Divina Providencia, where Romero’s House is and the chapel where he was assinated on March 24, 1980. The whole exprience felt surreal, because I had heard so much about this place from Romero House students at Regis. I could not believe I was present in the place where Romero lived and died. Later we went to the parish of Oti, Lolo and their families San Francisco de Asisi in Mejicanos (a barrio close to Mariona). In this parish there are the tombas (place of burial) of Padre Octavio and Catechist Alfonso behind the altar. These two men where martyred during the Civil War, because of how they proclaimed the message of the Gospel with their lives. As I stood before their tombas and knelt and prayed in the chapel of Divina Providencia, I kept thinking about the infinite love of God.
Whatever your feelings or opinions are of Liberation Theology are I ask you to consider this. Liberation Theology, as all spiritualties are, is a way of life to express one’s love for God. Monsenor Romero, Padre Octavio, Alfonso, and all the martyrs of El Salvador are not recognized martyrs of the institutional Church but when you hear to the testimony of their lives they are martyrs, who laid down their lives out of their love for Christ and their community. God is love. Expressions of His love can be found in many different ways, and here in El Salvador it is through the spirituality of Liberation Theology for many people.
“Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.
This is how we know that we remain in him and he in us, that he has given us of his Spirit. Moreover, we have seen and testify that the Father sent his Son as savior of the world. Whoever acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God remains in him and he in God. We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us.
God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. This is the commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.” -1 John 4:7-21
In this experience I was reminded deeply of my discernment to a religious vocation from the last years of high school into my first year of college. During this time of my life I truly grew in deep love and relationship with God; however, I lost myself in trying to live up to standards of something that I was not. My perception of love then became confused, and I believed love had limitations. The world was black and white full of rules and expectations for everything. However, when I went to college I realized that this was not true. That my belief in love was corrupted by my broken experiences and through the questioning of my close friends and time of prayer, my eyes where opened to the reality that I was not free or authentically who I am.
The topic of liberation theology played a critical role in this time of my life. I could not understand why liberation theology was not an accepted theology by the Institutional Church, or why my spiritual director at the time continued to say it was dangerous and contradictory to the teachings of the Church. However, the more I learned about liberation theology I realized that it is an authentic expression of the Gospel and Church teaching but the language which makes it controversial. What separates our understanding in the United States of Liberation Theology is often rooted in a fear and ignorance of understanding of what we do not know.
As I stood there presente, with Oti and Lolo listening to their personal testimony with these martyrs and recollecting the many stories I have heard since my arrival, the truth is the love is God is infinite. Reflecting upon the many experiences of this week, I think it can be expressed in words Oti shared with me later that Thursday. “Celesté, the love of God extends beyond all limitations. And I will always hold your story with the strength I receive from the love of God, because we were made to live in the infinite love of God. I am so blessed to have shared this time with you. Estamos aqui. Presente.”
Familia de Lolo en Sonsonate
Oscarsito and the mural I painted in his room
Chapel of Divina Providencia
Tombas of Padre Octavio and Catechist Alfonso
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