La Puerta

We can look out the same door and see completely different things, as I contemplate her future and my own.


This is a painting I created of a little girl Jasmin from Mariona. She is seven years old. One afternoon I was eating lunch at her house and talking with her mother Kenny. Kenny was asking me questions about how my classes were going at the UCA and more questions about my studies. I was telling her about how I have one year left and will be working on my thesis next year. She was asking me what the topic of my thesis was and as I started to respond, David her three year old called for her as he often does and she went to check on him.

This day was particularly hot, so the front window and door was open. However, because of the gang violence present in Mariona most people have iron doors in front of their regular one. When Kenny left to get David, I found myself looking out the door at the street in Mariona and contemplating things of my future. How will I carry this experience with me? Thinking of the different possibilities of what I could do and how I could work. Then Jasmin came in front of the door and started playing. At first she was climbing the door trying to see farther out, but later started to play with some of her little plastic dolls. At one point she even got one of the dolls stuck by the latch and I helped her get it out. We both laughed a little and shared with Kenny what happened. Then Jasmin sat down in front of the door and started to play with her dolls on the iron moldings. As I watched her, I realized something very profound. I realized the kind of poverty that we accompany in Mariona. I realized that Jasmin, in first grade at the public school, might not have the chance to go to college. I realized that the art classes we have are her only time for creative expression. I started to question, what will she remember when she is older from the English classes we share on Wednesdays? I began to realize we were looking out the same door, looking at the same street, coming from completely different realities.

The image of her looking out the door marked my mind and heart. I began to think so much of my family, especially my cousins. I began to realize in a new light the dynamic of my privilege in relation to my family and the families I accompany in Mariona. I realized in a new light the struggle of my parents to work so hard to receive their education and allow me to have this opportunity to attend University and even Study Abroad. I could see the inequality in my opportunities to have things in a way some of my cousin have not. I began to think about how I would play with my cousins when I was little and how we all come from the same family, but now have ended up in various realities.

I think that the iron door way expresses the struggle we share to overcome certain obstacles. I don't know what either mine or Jasmin's future holds. I feel so blessed to be here for many reasons, but especially for that moment. I know I will carry it with me forever in my heart, because it grounds me in away that expresses the dynamic of my discernment here.